I'm not being rude to anyone, but this post will act as my anger-absorber today.
I was scheduled to attend an interview for an MNC today. But i was not sure to attend the interview neither was i sure to take the job (If i get one).
I will just write something more about my life since past one and half years. I have not performed upto the mark. There were two reasons for this:
One being physically not well, continuously suffering from one or the other ailment. Second being my mother's illness i.e. Alzeimers' and me being the only caretaker as of now, has brought in a hurricane in my life.
These reasons have been disturbing my daily routine, my career, my personal growth and every little thing i have been aspiring for in life.
The reason i have blabbered so much is, one my SO CALLED friend, teased me if i will be able to perform in the interview (taking into consideration my performance since a year). This hurt me so much, so so much. Because he knew all the reasons of my under performance in these past months and he also knew, how i have been through-out my career till now.
Why do people have prejudice in mind? How can someone jump to conclusions without understanding the situations ? Why do such people call themselves friends? (Only for friendship day party)
So the lesson i learned from this incident was, BE AWAY, from such people who fake of being friends, don't ever share your problems with anyone because the possibility that they would make fun out of it, is more, and the most important is trust yourself.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The divided ME!!!
After a week break, i am neither feeling relaxed nor refreshed. But feeling more fatigued, low, and confused. :(
At crossroads, when you are filled with a 'combo pack' of emotions, you want some avenue to let it out, so do i, and this is the way am doing it!!!
These days, life is full of mental pressure, thoughts which are making me feel alone, sad, uncomfortable...as if i am running out of energy, enthusiasm, that something which motivates me to wake up in the morning and live life, not necessarily 'as prescribed', but my own way....right or wrong!!!
Why this to me? (I know I'm not the only one...hah!!!...I'm being so sympathetic towards myself) This point of time is the most important phase of my life, be it, career, personal life, mothers illness, my own intellectual growth, anything!!! But i'm not able to justify it to any ONE thing!!! I'm so divided between all the things...so scattered...Imagine i am running many marathons all at a time, and trying to finish all of them!!! Poor my heart!!! :( Does it understand, i can't! Even if i try to run it, and finish, i would win neither of them. It would simply mean, i'm running for the sake of doing it.
But its so difficult to choose one marathon. All are important. All make me 'complete'. My participation in all is important. One cannot be sacrificed at the cost of other. The feeling of sacrifice is the cause of mental pressure. Only the 'infinite power' and destiny (i believe), will make out the path.
This takes me back to title of blog. How could i keep aside the HUE of SACRIFICE, when i'm talking of hues of life!!!
At crossroads, when you are filled with a 'combo pack' of emotions, you want some avenue to let it out, so do i, and this is the way am doing it!!!
These days, life is full of mental pressure, thoughts which are making me feel alone, sad, uncomfortable...as if i am running out of energy, enthusiasm, that something which motivates me to wake up in the morning and live life, not necessarily 'as prescribed', but my own way....right or wrong!!!
Why this to me? (I know I'm not the only one...hah!!!...I'm being so sympathetic towards myself) This point of time is the most important phase of my life, be it, career, personal life, mothers illness, my own intellectual growth, anything!!! But i'm not able to justify it to any ONE thing!!! I'm so divided between all the things...so scattered...Imagine i am running many marathons all at a time, and trying to finish all of them!!! Poor my heart!!! :( Does it understand, i can't! Even if i try to run it, and finish, i would win neither of them. It would simply mean, i'm running for the sake of doing it.
But its so difficult to choose one marathon. All are important. All make me 'complete'. My participation in all is important. One cannot be sacrificed at the cost of other. The feeling of sacrifice is the cause of mental pressure. Only the 'infinite power' and destiny (i believe), will make out the path.
This takes me back to title of blog. How could i keep aside the HUE of SACRIFICE, when i'm talking of hues of life!!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Ruminations!!!
I read a 'wall post' today saying, past is history, future is mystery, so live in present.( A very commonly said/written thought)
But i stopped there, and thought over it, pondered, is it?
You know sometimes it happens that you think, i wish i could have done it. I wish it never happened. I wish, this and that....and feel sad about it. (Its alright to feel sad, you not committing a sin).Even i feel same about many things, which i should have done/not done, many people with whom i should have talked to or never talked to, so on and so forth.....
But how would i know today, that todays decision would be a blunder for tomorrow. Everybody does it holding an arrow of hope, but the string of the bow gives up...and THUDDD...we land up in a wrong place, wrong people, wrong situation. If i would have known then, that whether its right or wrong, i would have not been writing this post probably.
Sometimes i feel, i just need something where i can tell everything in 'me', express anger,pour out all frustration, regret, cry, laugh....simply anything - a book, a coffee mug, a tree, a bench in a garden., any damn thing in this would which would just listen to me....and make 'me' empty.
Why not some Homo Sapiens Sapiens ??? Because they won't understand. Some will be indifferent, some will ignore, and most of the 'species' will be happy, when they see, i am not happy.
I have titled this post 'RUMINATIONS', because these thoughts keep coming in my mind, then i keep them aside for a while, then again they make me feel their existence, in fact they hint me, i am still alive!!!
But i stopped there, and thought over it, pondered, is it?
You know sometimes it happens that you think, i wish i could have done it. I wish it never happened. I wish, this and that....and feel sad about it. (Its alright to feel sad, you not committing a sin).Even i feel same about many things, which i should have done/not done, many people with whom i should have talked to or never talked to, so on and so forth.....
But how would i know today, that todays decision would be a blunder for tomorrow. Everybody does it holding an arrow of hope, but the string of the bow gives up...and THUDDD...we land up in a wrong place, wrong people, wrong situation. If i would have known then, that whether its right or wrong, i would have not been writing this post probably.
Sometimes i feel, i just need something where i can tell everything in 'me', express anger,pour out all frustration, regret, cry, laugh....simply anything - a book, a coffee mug, a tree, a bench in a garden., any damn thing in this would which would just listen to me....and make 'me' empty.
Why not some Homo Sapiens Sapiens ??? Because they won't understand. Some will be indifferent, some will ignore, and most of the 'species' will be happy, when they see, i am not happy.
I have titled this post 'RUMINATIONS', because these thoughts keep coming in my mind, then i keep them aside for a while, then again they make me feel their existence, in fact they hint me, i am still alive!!!
Amma, Ayodhya and the lesson!!!
What magic can media create!!! What amazing effect can word-of-mouth create! Hold on...i ain't speaking about any new fairness cream or anti-aging cream!!!
I am talking about the hot issues these days, the CWG games and AYODHYA-BABRI verdict. CWG is almost on the track, after the media is 'praising' the full-on preparations and optimism about great games to be witnessed.(Now KALMADI and team would be getting a better sleep ;-)). And AYODHYA-BABRI is ofcourse hot all time...(Made more hot ahead of elections).
24th September was the D-day for the RAM & RAHIM. All the nation was heated up. The state-government of all the states, police forces, rapid action force, and other forces were ready to 'face it'. Even we were doing our warm-up. Its not about being pessimistic, about the verdict and forming a prejudice that there might be some mishap after the verdict, but its something we have experienced during the last decade. So we discussed that we would buy all the essential items like milk, vegetables etc. in large quantities and store them.(The second fear was high soaring prices)
And why only we, our maid, who is called 'AMMA'('अम्मा'), aged above 80 also knew that there was something about RAM and ALLAH. She said, "दीदी, कल कुछ दंगे होने वाले है क्या?" (Will there be riots tomorrow?). I said, (sounding optimistic), " की अम्मा कुछ नहीं होगा, आप चिंता मत करो".(Nothing will happen, don't worry)
Another maid, said rebelliously "दीदी मैं तो नहीं आउंगी, कुछ हो गया तो".(I will not come, if something happens!). I tried to make her understand (She understood my ulterior motive, that i wanted her to come and do the work) and sounding more rebellious she said that the area where she lives is sensitive. I was defeated. A management student could not negotiate.( I will ask her for classes on negotiation)
The point i want to make is, media and word-of-mouth. The people who never went to school, do not know how to read and write, know whats happening around, and most important retain it! Isn't this something the marketers can leverage on? Think about it!!!
I am talking about the hot issues these days, the CWG games and AYODHYA-BABRI verdict. CWG is almost on the track, after the media is 'praising' the full-on preparations and optimism about great games to be witnessed.(Now KALMADI and team would be getting a better sleep ;-)). And AYODHYA-BABRI is ofcourse hot all time...(Made more hot ahead of elections).
24th September was the D-day for the RAM & RAHIM. All the nation was heated up. The state-government of all the states, police forces, rapid action force, and other forces were ready to 'face it'. Even we were doing our warm-up. Its not about being pessimistic, about the verdict and forming a prejudice that there might be some mishap after the verdict, but its something we have experienced during the last decade. So we discussed that we would buy all the essential items like milk, vegetables etc. in large quantities and store them.(The second fear was high soaring prices)
And why only we, our maid, who is called 'AMMA'('अम्मा'), aged above 80 also knew that there was something about RAM and ALLAH. She said, "दीदी, कल कुछ दंगे होने वाले है क्या?" (Will there be riots tomorrow?). I said, (sounding optimistic), " की अम्मा कुछ नहीं होगा, आप चिंता मत करो".(Nothing will happen, don't worry)
Another maid, said rebelliously "दीदी मैं तो नहीं आउंगी, कुछ हो गया तो".(I will not come, if something happens!). I tried to make her understand (She understood my ulterior motive, that i wanted her to come and do the work) and sounding more rebellious she said that the area where she lives is sensitive. I was defeated. A management student could not negotiate.( I will ask her for classes on negotiation)
The point i want to make is, media and word-of-mouth. The people who never went to school, do not know how to read and write, know whats happening around, and most important retain it! Isn't this something the marketers can leverage on? Think about it!!!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Weird!!!
I went. I saw. But i did not conquer... (Apology to Caesar, for the changes).
Read on...to get it....
I was happy when one of my friend told me that, there was a national book fair in the city. I had decided, come what may i would visit the fair and pick some good reads. And so i did go... but did not complete my own commitment :-(
Do i need to mention a national book fair would mean books showcased from all the genres, you and i could think!!
I did pick some books, which were in my wish list. But what i did was i didn't actually buy them. I kept them back in the shelf at the stall. I was wondering, why was i not feeling to buy and rejoice when i was so closed to them, and dying to have them.
Lately, i have been buying books at online shopping site, which has descent service, quick delivery and great discounts.I had never tried it before few months. I feel good to browse through various categories, being struck by a title, reading reviews for it, putting in the cart (read: clicking and selecting), and then paying online, then waiting for the book and getting the book at doorstep within the shortest possible time. This makes me feel like "i am blessed". For some it may sound foolish!!! But i don't care....
So may be today when i had a chance to have the 'touch effect', 'go through effect', i didn't feel 'that' blessed.
So at last i just picked one book, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by HARPER LEE and found the way to exit.
P.S.: I ended up paying 30 bucks more than what i would have paid online.
Read on...to get it....
I was happy when one of my friend told me that, there was a national book fair in the city. I had decided, come what may i would visit the fair and pick some good reads. And so i did go... but did not complete my own commitment :-(
Do i need to mention a national book fair would mean books showcased from all the genres, you and i could think!!
I did pick some books, which were in my wish list. But what i did was i didn't actually buy them. I kept them back in the shelf at the stall. I was wondering, why was i not feeling to buy and rejoice when i was so closed to them, and dying to have them.
Lately, i have been buying books at online shopping site, which has descent service, quick delivery and great discounts.I had never tried it before few months. I feel good to browse through various categories, being struck by a title, reading reviews for it, putting in the cart (read: clicking and selecting), and then paying online, then waiting for the book and getting the book at doorstep within the shortest possible time. This makes me feel like "i am blessed". For some it may sound foolish!!! But i don't care....
So may be today when i had a chance to have the 'touch effect', 'go through effect', i didn't feel 'that' blessed.
So at last i just picked one book, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by HARPER LEE and found the way to exit.
P.S.: I ended up paying 30 bucks more than what i would have paid online.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A treasure on teachers day...
I am talking about a treasure, which has made me think so much, cry, laugh and write...
Its the book~~~ TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE ~~~~By Mitch Albom
This is one of the best book i have come across and i bet it will be till i read...till i die...
Its all about a professor,MORRIE who calls himself a coach and MITCH whom he calls as a friend.
The coach teaches his student without books, without grades with experience......life lessons.....lessons about culture...marriage....ageing...death....fear...forgiveness....a meaningful life!!!
What touches the most about MORRIE is, how can he share what he feels when he feels death near him. Average human being would never like someone to enter in his area at any happy or sad moment because he think he 'owns' it. But MORRIE is above all average beings....he wants to share his life experiences although he is suffering with fatal illness...he wants to give something back the world, to the people he knows and he does not know...So practical in thoughts that everything that has born will die...at the same time tells to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in...
He makes all of them, his family, friends, people around him feel that he is still there for them to talk, to listen, to share, to love...so full of compassion...
He says, that all the things for which we run,chase them, we forget that we too are a part of nature, not above it, are going to die someday, what will remain for ever is none, but relationships and love.
While his journey from life to death, he tries out to reach millions of people, just to show that there is no fear for death, and so we should live life to fullest, not only for materialistic happiness, but for something which comes from heart, so that you don't feel dissatisfied, don't feel envious, and feel overwhelmed by what comes to you back.
This blog post seems too short to post, what the book is, and me too short of words what impact it has had on me, which will continue to be forever as a teacher....Its 5th September today....HAPPY TEACHERS DAY
 |
| Morrie, the COACH and Mitch the STUDENT |
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I would have never dared...
Would i ever think of leaving my comfort zone and going to the places where i have never been before. And that too alone!!! NO WAY!!! I would have never dared to....
This goes back to a book, i finished reading recently that is EAT PRAY LOVE by ELIZABETH GILBERT.
This is a travelogue of finding pleasure, spiritual seeking and defining her own self.
At 34, Liz (Elizabeth), goes through a difficult situation of divorce which is like rebel to her husband (and to herself). Her love for Italian language lands her in Rome (ITALY). The way she fights back her loneliness and depression, tries to find pleasure, gets some good friends, understands the culture, learning process of ITALIAN by joining a school and by interacting with people, the ways in which she tries to alleviate mood (which includes EATing too much of pizza, pasta, and desserts) brings out her qualities like love for independence, never say die attitude, her adaptability (Think you don't understand a word and you land in ITALY), and her travel talent of making friends.
Her love relation with DAVID means a lot for her, stays on her mind for coming months and she thinks a lot of what should not have happened ..... An expression "SQUARE PEG IN A ROUND HOLE" describes her state with DAVID (she was trying to fix up a relation, wherein she could have never been happy). Leaving apart the things which do not get along good, you must have done it much earlier, LIZ.....leave him and find your way!!!
After saying GOOD-BYE to ITALY, LIZ comes to INDIA to learn devotion, mediation, finding GOD, learn YOGA....Are we youth listening?? We better learn our values and culture. Her experience in an ashram (school where mediation, devotion are preached), changes the way she thinks. She is successful in getting out all negative thoughts, 'living in past', and getting positive energy and all good reasons to live a great life.
Dropping out her plan to 'understand India', and continuing to 'understand herself', and 4 months of effort to learn devotion, Sanskrit, mediation, yoga and all PRAY makes her well prepared to leave for Indonesia.
She's a fan of medicine man (the person who treats ill in BALI). In Indonesia, she helps a friend, buy house, learns some other mediation techniques from the medicine man, and falls in LOVE, with a person 17 years older and basically a BRAZILIAN. The unconditional love of Felipe (the Brazilian lover) makes her story end like a fairy tell. (Remember: they happily lived ever after)
She left an impression on the mind that writers who seem to be conservative, like loneliness (of course self imposed), linger in their own thoughts, the other face being liberal, friendly, impulsive.......
Leaving with her line~~~~
"I wanted to explore the art of pleasure in Italy, the art of devotion in India and, in Indonesia, the art of balancing the two." ~~~~~ ELIZABETH GILBERT
This goes back to a book, i finished reading recently that is EAT PRAY LOVE by ELIZABETH GILBERT.
This is a travelogue of finding pleasure, spiritual seeking and defining her own self.
At 34, Liz (Elizabeth), goes through a difficult situation of divorce which is like rebel to her husband (and to herself). Her love for Italian language lands her in Rome (ITALY). The way she fights back her loneliness and depression, tries to find pleasure, gets some good friends, understands the culture, learning process of ITALIAN by joining a school and by interacting with people, the ways in which she tries to alleviate mood (which includes EATing too much of pizza, pasta, and desserts) brings out her qualities like love for independence, never say die attitude, her adaptability (Think you don't understand a word and you land in ITALY), and her travel talent of making friends.
Her love relation with DAVID means a lot for her, stays on her mind for coming months and she thinks a lot of what should not have happened ..... An expression "SQUARE PEG IN A ROUND HOLE" describes her state with DAVID (she was trying to fix up a relation, wherein she could have never been happy). Leaving apart the things which do not get along good, you must have done it much earlier, LIZ.....leave him and find your way!!!
After saying GOOD-BYE to ITALY, LIZ comes to INDIA to learn devotion, mediation, finding GOD, learn YOGA....Are we youth listening?? We better learn our values and culture. Her experience in an ashram (school where mediation, devotion are preached), changes the way she thinks. She is successful in getting out all negative thoughts, 'living in past', and getting positive energy and all good reasons to live a great life.
Dropping out her plan to 'understand India', and continuing to 'understand herself', and 4 months of effort to learn devotion, Sanskrit, mediation, yoga and all PRAY makes her well prepared to leave for Indonesia.
She's a fan of medicine man (the person who treats ill in BALI). In Indonesia, she helps a friend, buy house, learns some other mediation techniques from the medicine man, and falls in LOVE, with a person 17 years older and basically a BRAZILIAN. The unconditional love of Felipe (the Brazilian lover) makes her story end like a fairy tell. (Remember: they happily lived ever after)
She left an impression on the mind that writers who seem to be conservative, like loneliness (of course self imposed), linger in their own thoughts, the other face being liberal, friendly, impulsive.......
Leaving with her line~~~~
"I wanted to explore the art of pleasure in Italy, the art of devotion in India and, in Indonesia, the art of balancing the two." ~~~~~ ELIZABETH GILBERT
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